What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 05:44
I was scared of men, in general
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
—— indirects on kuorans, irl and idols
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
How do you get people to follow your Quora Space?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Who then, do I blame.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Homophobia is clearly a harmful mental sickness. What can LGBT people do to cure it?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Has anyone ever worn leather pants? Are they comfortable?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were not on the streets..
Was to survive, this bastard.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So, i spoilt her more .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One cannot live in the past .
He knew the spot.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
She found it foreign!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But, we were locked up after school.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I don,t even have a pension.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i lived it daily.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
All the time i was locked up.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She married twice! .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I have no regrets .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What did i know ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
(And it was in our own minds.)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was 9 years of age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When she asked me how she looked .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She wouldn,t have been !
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I waited trembling.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We all went to grammer schools
I think the readers, may guess!
Im still living with it.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She loved him until the end.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I will be 64.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Comes on , in middle age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Would this be the day?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I write beautiful poetry .
He resisted the act ,that day.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I said to her
But ive been too sick for many years..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My family never makes their pension either.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
This is soul school!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!